Hello Everyone,
It has been awhile. I am back to writing a blog almost every week. This month has been insane. A lot has happened in my personal life that has made it really hard to contemplate and just be able to keep up with my writing and keeping up with my social media. I became really anxious to write. Like if I even think about turning on my laptop, picking up books from my floor to read or on my phone, I want to throw up. I could not even pick up a pen and write. I felt terrified to write. That I was unworthy and not destined to be a writer or blogger. I felt drain, overwhelmed, and felt my options and opinions were invalid. I then turn became my worst person; a nightmare created by boggart, fear and guilt. I fell really deep with this person. I had a huge issue with adapting to situation that was not in my control. I am someone who in their mind can control anything situation. I would think I had the power of making sure everything went correctly. To be frank, you cannot control what life (god as well) throws at you, only your attitude and behaviour to how to manage the situation. I felt the pressure in my chest was unbearable. I would have cried every thirty minutes or tell my close friends to back off in a sour attitude. I was being selfish and bitter. I never response to emails and I felt each step dreading endless negativity. I tossed and turned at night because of the nightmares I’d have. So vivid I could not erase and draw back to sleep. I hated feeling this way. I hate feeling miserable and stress every second of the day. This took from the end of August till now to slowly get myself out of the slump. I had to really push myself to self-care. I didn’t realise how badly I needed to take a mental and emotional break from everything. It took me a long time to acknowledge the fact that I lost some things and could gain much more once I took care of myself. Daily, I tell myself that I am better than yesterday or like Brittany Spears sings " Now I am stronger than yesterday, now it’s nothing but a mile away." lalal. So, that being said let’s get on with what I have been doing this month.
Moving (AGAIN !)
Yes. Again. I don't know why its news since I keep moving every few months. I moved back to where my mom live after living in Oshawa for four months ... unless you count being in Oshawa for two years than that counts as well. This was one of the main reasons I could not keep up with my blog and reviewing books. I had to halt everything to moved everything from Oshawa to North Bay. I think I be here in North Bay for about four months and then move depending on if I am going back to school or career wise. In which brings me to my next point ...
School for Further Education
This has been on my mind since I did my last year of college. I really want to attend University. It has been a dream for me to go to university since many people have told me I would not endure. It something that I want to accomplish so badly. I want to go to school for publishing or creative writing. I might take classes for Intro-to-Law or something close to that subject since I have a keen interest for it. I been told by my closest friends that I should consider going back to school for more options. This will not be fully confirmed until January 2018 or Summer 2018.
Writing
Yes, I am finally announcing that I am writing a book. Too bad I cannot have confetti pop out the screen (that would be wicked). I feel that the more I publicise, it confirms myself that I finally going to be accomplishing my dream. I never really thought I had the talent to write since I have a Learning Disability. I also have the tendency to write a whole seven chapters and then give up. I going to make it a goal to have a draft ...HA... more like outline of what I want to happen for this book. Writing to me would be everything to me. I grew up with my head in a book. I did reading challenges and contests and raided my public library like a thief stealing the best jewels. My passion has always been books. Books gave me the escape, gave me the confidence and to believe in endless possibilities. Books became my confidant. I had always wanted the epic jobs that people said I couldn’t do (mainly blame of my LD) or that they didn’t exist - Dragon riders do exist, I am sure of it- I just had the hidden talent to write. I think I had more teachers praise for my comics and little stories on my test than the effort I put in solving what 2 + 2 is . I still remember a teacher once telling that even my drawings and writing will not get me anywhere and I likely better end up working in accounting or business. I believed her because a teacher to me is supposed to give me insight of what to do with my life. I am really making a effort since I am not in school anymore and want to start off my career now. Stay tune for more updates...
Voltron ( TV show)
I obsessed. I started it in the middle of July. I had a rough day and coming home, I wanted to be vanished the misery and dread in my system so as a normal person would, I ordered a pizza and turned on Netflix. A little Timbit of myself; I am the worst person to watch movies with. My family, even my close best friends and roommates will not watch a movie with me. I literally will pause the movie every five minutes to ask a question that would be answered in the next clip, ask about the film, who in the film. Then I start talking and the list goes on. I tend to also get vocal at the screen when I think an action scene is too dramatic or wtf moment and much more. Wow, way to drag myself in the sand. I even chatty Cathy in the movie theatre. Yikes. I picked Voltron the Legendary Defender because it was 98 % mine liking. I had no idea there were other versions to this. I not the most person to watch a transformer movie. So, I decided to give it a go. I watched up to episode seven. I am hooked. It really reminded me of the Last Air Bender, Star Trek, Power Rangers and Transformers had a baby. It one the best shows I can say is fantastic. Since it hard for me to enjoy a movie or TV show, I lose interest really fast. I can be bored in matter of seconds. I tend not to watch many. I do enjoyed The Last Air Bender and Legend of Korra, Full Metal Alchemist, I love Lucy , Get Smart and Ella Enchanted and Anne of Green Gables. These are shows and movies that I have re-watched more than 12 times. I just love the narrative, the characters and everything in between. I even love all the epic fan art from many talented artists around the world. The fourth season comes out this October 13 2017. I really recommend if you are looking for something to watch, try Voltron.
Books
Lets get into books I read this pass month. I stopped that hideous month of being in a reading slump. I got back up to reading four books in a week. The books I am currently reading is Hunting Prince Dracula by Kerri Mansclio, Royal Bastards by Andrew Shavarts and FireBlood by Elly Blake. I also grab Into the Sun by Denis Ellis Bechard and soon to be reading The Tempation of Adam by Dave Connis. I even gotten my hands on the last two books of the Darker Shade of Magic series by Victoria Schwab. I am stoke to be able to finish the series. I added below the option to read my Books I Read on Google Doc. I started this in 2011, however goes back to at least 2000. This has really taken a huge chunk of my time to organize it for it to be readable. I hoped you find it useful and if any questions, let me know.
Click Here .
Comment what you have been reading and have a really great reading week !
Signing out,
Maddi Clark